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The People Formula Book Study #Six
“Ego is the Enemy”
By: Ryan Holiday
Background:
Many of us have been practicing aspects of Stoicism most of our lives without realizing it. Life is filled with great challenges and for one reason or another some never feel victimized by circumstances or events but instead “get to work” when facing them. This is a stoic approach. If we want to move through the challenges thrown at us don’t lament and question why things happen the way they do, instead they ask, “what are we going to do about it.” This is the great gift of Ryan Holiday’s books. He clearly shares not just stoic wisdom but analyzes the great thinkers and most importantly “doers” throughout the ages. Ryan highlights that stoicism is not sitting down and merely thinking about life, but it provides a clear and concise roadmap for life’s challenges. Ryan’s books are some of the best problem-solving guides you will ever read for every aspect of your life. Most importantly, they will calm your brain and bring peace and clarity to your thoughts.
Ego is the Enemy:
Think less of yourself and be less invested in the story you tell of yourself and you will be liberated to accomplish the world changing work you have set out to achieve. Our ego is important for our survival, but it can also bring about an unhealthy belief in our own importance. The sense of superiority and certainty that exceeds the bounds of confidence and talent. Ego is our conscious separation from everything of true value and most importantly, others. The tragedy is that if you start believing in your own greatness it is the death of creativity.
Ego is the enemy of building, recovering and maintaining our lives.
Keep these goals in mind throughout everyday so you can continue to get to work.
- Be humble when you have success
- Cultivate fortitude so you are not wrecked by failure
- Be humble in your aspirations
- Be gracious in your success
- Be resilient in your failures
Remember, ego is stolen, and confidence is earned.
Aspire:
William Tecumseh Sherman’s (U.S. Civil War general) story of knowing his purpose and suspending his ego is impactful. He had just received his promotion to Brigadier General during the U.S Civil War. He asked President Lincoln to assure him of no more promotions so he would feel confident and sure in his position without the distraction of the politics of promotion. He clearly understood not just his strengths but his purpose. Sherman opined to never give reasons for what you think and do until you must, for after a while maybe a better one comes along. This methodology offers strategic flexibility.
People driven by ego rather than a strong sense of purpose will have a much different path and outcome than those who do not. The ability to evaluate one’s own ability is the most important skill of all and without it we never improve and grow.
Some reflections:
- Those who know do not speak. Those who speak do not know.
- Silence is the respite for the confident and strong.
- The ego crosses out what matters and adds what doesn’t.
- Being a student places the ego and ambition in someone else’s hands.
- The pretense of knowledge is our most dangerous vice.
- A true student is like a sponge absorbing and observing, filtering it and latching on to what they can hold while being self-critical and self-motivated.
- You can’t learn if you think you already know
Don’t be passionate, instead find your purpose:
Don’t fall for goal idiocy. Maintain control and deliberate thoughts and don’t be subjugated to passions. Humans require purpose and realism over passion. Passion is form over function and purpose is function, function, function.
What is truly needed every day is:
- Clarity
- Deliberateness
- Methodology determination
Passion often masks a weakness and is a poor substitute for:
- Discipline
- Mastery
- Strength
- Purpose
- Perseverance
Follow the canvas strategy:
It’s not about doing things to make people look good. It’s about providing support to make people be good. When you clear a path for the people above you, you will be clearing a path eventually for yourself. This is exactly how to fulfill the adage of helping yourself by helping others.
The person who clears the path for others ultimately chooses its direction.
Restrain yourself:
Restraint is a difficult but critical skill. Never do anything to undermine your legacy. Get out of your own head and don’t feast on your own thoughts. The danger of pride is that even in real accomplishments it is a distraction and diluter.
If you are putting in the work, you won’t have to cheat. Don’t boast, there is nothing in it for you. Pride works against you and causes other people to detest you too. When pride kills relationships, your opportunity for true success dies with it. If you can’t swallow your pride you can’t lead.
We must prepare for pride, kill it early or it will kill what we aspire to. A great question to ask yourself, “What am I missing right now that a humble person might see?” To take an idea and manifest it for others requires work. Your personal brand and reputation are not built on what you are going to do. To get where we want to go isn’t about brilliance it is about tremendous effort. There is no success without toil. For everything that comes next ego is the enemy.
No one ever said that monstrous ego sure was worth it.
Success:
Can you handle success, or will it be the worst thing that ever happened to you?
Always stay a student. Humility engenders learning because it beats back the blinders ego puts on. The test for the humble is they consistently observe and listen. Don’t tell yourself a story of who you think you are and what you think you will do. Stop with the stories and focus on the task at hand. Facts are better than stories and image.
Keep your identity small and keep it about the work and principles behind it. Continue working on what got us here because it is the only thing to keep us here.
Next, define what’s important to you. To know what you like is the beginning of wisdom. Ego leads to envy and it rots the bones of people big and small. Think about what’s truly important to you and take steps to forsake the rest.
With success and power come the greatest delusions, entitlement, control and paranoia.
Managing yourself:
It’s not enough to have great qualities we should also have the management of them.
People who struggle to lead themselves will struggle to lead others. When we struggle to lead ourselves the “disease of me” may set in.
As success builds so may the disease of me. When people begin to feel special and better than others their circle of trust begins to dissolve and without healthy strong relationships all success fades. Great leaders know that we never earn the right to be greedy especially at the expense of others. The disease of me can corrupt the most innocent in their climb.
Meditate on the immensity of everything and become aware of your actual place. Our ego blocks us from the beauty and mystery of the world. To be successful, maintain your sobriety and remember that fear is a bad advisor. Our ego clouds the mind when it needs to be clear, and tasks are never solved with charisma.
Avoid the undisciplined pursuit of more by remaining humble and retaining your sense of purpose. Ultimately, your road to victory goes through a place called failure.
When failure does arrive, our ego tends to slow its departure. The only way out is through.
Alive time or deadtime:
This moment is not your life, but it is a moment in your life. How will you use it?
The effort is enough. If you knew you wouldn’t be rewarded for the work your ego prevents you from starting. The less attached to outcomes the better. In order to accomplish this, try changing your definition of success to peace of mind from the effort not the accolades. That you made the effort to become the best you were capable of is the true pursuit. The world is indifferent from what we humans want.
Hard things are broken by hard things. The bigger the ego the greater the fall.
The world can show you the truth, but no one can force you to accept it. Face the symptoms cure the disease.
Draw the line:
“It can ruin your life only if it ruins your character”, Marcus Aurelius
- Ego kills what we love and sometimes us
- Most trouble is temporary unless you make it not so
- The only real failure is abandoning your principles
- If your reputation can’t handle a few blows it wasn’t worth anything in the first place
- Maintain your own scorecard
- Vain men only hear praise
- Anyone can win but not everyone can be the best possible version of themselves
Always love:
Trust, healthy relationships and partnerships are the bedrocks upon which all life thrives. It is all about love, not hate. Trying to destroy something out of hate and ego often ensures it will live forever. Ask yourself, where has hatred or rage gotten anyone?
People learn from their failures and challenges and not often from their success. Create your path to wisdom through observation, study and overcoming challenges. When unconsciously choosing between wisdom or ignorance, ego is the swing vote. Take the vote away for your path to wisdom.
Push through failure with strength not ego. We do not reach our potential with hope but with our training and putting in the work. Any fool can learn from experience. The trick is to learn from other people’s experience.
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“Ego is the Enemy” by Ryan Holiday
To purchase Ryan’s book or any other book on Robin’s reading list, click the link to the bookstore.
