Have you ever been in a conversation where you felt like the other person was not really listening to you? They may have been nodding their head and making eye contact, but you knew that their mind was elsewhere. This type of communication breakdown can lead to misunderstandings, frustration, and missed opportunities. Disciplined listening is a skill that can help you avoid these pitfalls and become a more effective communicator. It involves paying close attention to what the other person is saying, asking relevant questions, and being genuinely curious about their perspective. By doing so, you can build trust, gain insights, and forge deeper connections with others. In a recent interview with Certified Forensic Interviewer Michael Reddington, CFI, we discussed the importance of disciplined listening in the context of investigative interviewing. Reddington has over 25 years of experience in this field and has conducted thousands of interviews with a wide range of individuals, from employees suspected of theft to high-level executives accused of fraud. One of the key takeaways from our conversation was the importance of looking out for the underdog. Reddington emphasized that his role as an interviewer is not just to extract information, but to ensure that the person being interviewed is treated with respect and dignity. This means being aware of power dynamics and avoiding tactics that could be seen as manipulative or coercive. Another important aspect of disciplined listening is making deep connections with the people you are talking to. Reddington shared that he often starts interviews by asking open-ended questions that encourage the person to share their story in their own words. By doing so, he is able to establish a rapport and create a safe space for them to open up. Getting lots of confessions may be the goal of some interviewers, but Reddington emphasized that his focus is on uncovering the truth. This means being willing to listen to all perspectives and not jumping to conclusions based on preconceived notions or biases. Finally, Reddington shared his disciplined listening method, which involves a three-step process: listen, clarify, and validate. This means actively listening to what the other person is saying, clarifying any points of confusion, and validating their feelings and experiences. By doing so, you can uncover hidden value and gain a deeper understanding of the situation at hand. In conclusion, disciplined listening is a crucial skill for anyone who wants to be a masterful communicator. Whether you are conducting an interview, having a difficult conversation, or simply trying to connect with someone on a deeper level, it requires curiosity, empathy, and a willingness to put aside your own agenda and truly listen to what the other person is saying. By doing so, you can build trust, gain insights, and forge deep connections that will serve you well in all aspects of your life.
