Building Trust Through Empathy
Context is Key:
I was a new agent stationed in New York City, when a senior agent on my squad decided to bring me along to meet a foreign spy he had recruited. I was both excited and nervous, not knowing what to expect. I knew we had a list of questions from FBI Headquarters concerning all matters of intelligence and counterintelligence. What surprised me though, were the stops we made along the way. First, we stopped at a Walmart and picked up a few toys and small appliances. Then, we stopped at a grocery store and bought milk, eggs, bread, and candy. Next, we went to a used bookstore and found some children’s books as well as a few ESL books. I was a bit confused and asked what we were doing? The senior agent replied that, “Context is key when building trust.” He asked if I had considered the point of view and the experience of the spy, who was living in a small “safe house” with his young son. That meant that they could not have any outside contact, very limited entertainment and distractions and could possibly be experiencing fear. In order to build the trust needed to protect our national security, we needed to not only understand their context, but we had to act on that context as well.
TV shows and movies portray “spy recruiting” as a high-stakes game of manipulation, danger and deception. And all the while, nothing could be further from the truth. You need to have trust in a relationship, whether you are recruiting a spy or even selling a product or service. Trust cannot be achieved without context and understanding the other person’s point of view. You should take the time to be curious about them, their lives, experiences, challenges and priorities. Only then, can you act and achieve trust. Context is the key to successful leadership and all the outcomes we seek, from protecting national security to our professional and personal lives.
The article was inspired by Maria Ross’s excellent book, “The Empathy Edge.” For more information about Maria and her work as a brand strategist using empathy please check out her website: http://red-slice.com.
You can purchase her book here:
Author Interview
You can watch Robin’s interview with Maria here:
